If You Think This Is For You, Then It Is

"I love you. But the love is different." That was the last thing you said to me. Well the last thing I chose to hear anyway. At the time I could not comprehend what you meant…how could you love me but not love me? How could this not be love? Then I realized, love could not survive everything we put it through. We bashed it at every turn - cut love off on every corner, we let whatever tried to grow simply die because we did not take the time to water it and the tears that I cried over the years would not suffice.

Despite the pain, the heartache, the sleepless nights and pointless fights, I do thank you. I thank you for helping me realize that some people will use and abuse me for all I have if I do not speak up and say something. Thank you for teaching me what loyalty does not look like, now I know how to seek it in others. Thank you for helping me realize who will stand by my side through it all and who will leave at any point that shit gets rough. Thank you for teaching me that plans and promises meant nothing without actions. Thank you for teaching me that not every one who tells me they love me will stay.

Thank you really; because of you I have a constant reminder of the person who I will never be again. I changed because of you. I finally realized I was capable of emotion because you destroyed my core and reminded me that I was human. I can feel. I can feel love, loss and pain; something I thought I became numb to a long time ago.   

Thank you…I love you…But the love is different. 

#withloveKM